


Head Above Water

by Hugsfree-hugme (Noheawilstro808)



Category: Animal Kingdom (TV)
Genre: Arguing, Closure, Comfort, Emotional Hurt, Fighting, It is not as sad as it sounds, Lack of Communication, M/M, Post-Break Up, These boys just really need to let it all out, Unresolved Tension, hopefully ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-03
Updated: 2019-09-03
Packaged: 2020-10-06 13:35:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20507858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Noheawilstro808/pseuds/Hugsfree-hugme
Summary: “You had already ratted on Jack. 15 years in prison is more than enough time to change your mind.”Adrian rolls his eyes and throws his head back in frustration. “Yeah, well unfortunately for Jack, he wasn’t the love of my life.” He spits out in disdain.“You would have talked.” Deran mumbles like he was trying to convince himself more than Adrian.He doesn’t expect Adrian to push him so hard he slams into the pillar behind him. He looks back at Adrian, whose eyes are glaring at him with a fierce hot anger.“Don’t tell me what I would have done."_*_*_*_*_For 3 years Adrian has been starting over, while Deran remained clueless in Oceanside. Now that Deran knows where he is, it is time for these boys to have much needed conversation with tension, anger and heartbreak hanging over them.How one conversation with confessing, wrestling, yelling and crying can bring one man peace and the other man hope.





	Head Above Water

**Author's Note:**

> The much needed conversation where these boys hash everything out. The past, the bust, and the end. Where they leave everything on the table and see where life takes them after.

For the last 9 months, Adrian’s life has consisted of waking up and going to work at the cafe, making sure he is always ready for his PO officer, staying out of trouble, going back to his cousin’s house, falling asleep and doing it all over again. 

When Deran left him shattered on the pier that night, instead of leaving, he went back to his sister’s house and it was the best decision he ever made. His sister had a back up plan for him and got his cousin Willow, who lives in San Diego, to come up and take on his case. He always thought all of his dad’s side of the family were assholes, just like his father, but it turned out that Willow is nothing like them. She became a hardass attorney that fought for the’ little people’ and she came through for him and saved his ass big time. He still ended up going to prison, but it was far less than the 15 years, and a better prison then where the DEA would have sent him had they still had the upper hand. 

Those were the scariest 2 years of his life. Constantly looking over his shoulder all the time, worried he would make the wrong move and that would be that. He was so happy when he was able to start working in the library. Next thing he knew, they were letting him go. 

First thing he did when he got out was, call Willow and ask if she knew a place he could stay. Luckily she let him stay with her and her boyfriend Mathieu, who owned a cute little cafe that had a position open. Since then he works every chance he gets, has a bike to get from point A to point B, is saving up whatever he can so he can get a small place of his own as soon as possible.

Willy and Mat have been his rock this past year. He talks to them a lot about home, about all the shit he did wrong, about Deran. 

He hates how he thinks about him all the time but old habits are hard to kill. Everything about those last few weeks in Oceanside were just a painful hot mess. He knows everything was his fault, he will always own up to that. He just hates how it cost him his relationship with Deran. 

When they decided to give it another go although things moved fast it was going so good. He was finally getting the Deran he only dreamed about, but then he got busted and everything went downhill after that. He hates how it all ended. He still is so angry with it all, mostly himself, because when push came to shove, he should have known he would never add up to his family. To the Cody’s, family is everything. Everybody else is expendable. 

Things are going good for him, though. He still talks to Jess. Both her and Charlie try to come down whenever they get a chance. Willy and Mat aren’t pushing his ass out on the street just yet. He is slowly making some friends and he stays far away from the ocean. 

It is hard starting over but he is thankful for his family. They help him keep his head above water after feeling like he was drowning for so long. 

But all good things must come to an end. That day comes when Adrian is working a closing shift and his whole new world comes to a stand still when he sees Deran through the glass window, staring at him - frozen. 

Adrian remembers the feeling of whenever he wiped out on a wave and it slammed down on him like a 1000 needles hitting every part of his body; that is exactly what this moment feels like. He almost drops the plate that is in his hands, before remembering where he is and moves to steady himself on the counter. 

He looks Deran straight in the eyes and sees every single question flying across his face. Adrian feels an ice wave run through his body at the thought of Deran coming in here and shakes his head at the blonde. He couldn’t be here right now. This job, this place is his second chance to do things different and he is terrified of Deran taking that away from him now that he knows he is here.

He mouths ‘no’ begging Deran to understand what he was trying to say. So desperate for him not to come through that door. 

He can tell Deran wants to fight every part of his body that is telling him to listen to Adrian. He bites his lips, though, before taking a step back. He gives Adrian a small nod and walks away. The tight burning feeling in his throat that he felt the second he saw Deran goes away and he lets out a breath. 

“Adrian?” He hears Mat call out to him and lifts his head to see him beckon Adrian over to his office. 

“Is that him?” Mat says closing the door behind him. Adrian, hating how much he feels like glass right now, nods his head. 

“Do I need to worry?” 

“No, I promise.”

Mat steps closer to him and places his hand on Adrian’s shoulder. “You don’t owe him anything.”

“Yes I do.” He argues immediately.

He can see Mat wants to disagree but he would be wrong. Deran deserves an explanation and Adrian thinks he can give him that, even though it is the last thing he wants to do.

He knows Deran will be back.

______________________________

Thankfully Deran knew to stay away long enough for the cafe to close. Mat hesitated when he had to leave but Adrian promised him that he would be okay and he would come home when he was done here. 

When there is nothing else to do, he has no choice but to finally face Deran, who is across the street staring at him so intensely that Adrian feels a shiver run down his back. As he makes his way to the door he keeps eye contact with the blonde, showing him that the door is unlocked and waves him to come in. 

In what feels like seconds, the other man makes his way into the cafe looking like he had seen a ghost. 

To Deran, that is exactly what it feels like. He came to San Diego to look for supplies for a job Craig wanted to run and the only person he knew could get it for him was here. He was just walking down the strip when he saw Adrian through the window and everything after that just stopped. His brain felt like it was going to explode, his feet felt heavy like they were in a block a cement and his stomach has been tied in knots up until this moment, waiting for Adrian to let him in. 

He wants nothing more than to go over to the man, needing to feel if he is real. That he wasn’t imagining him being here after believing he was so far away this entire time, but he knows Adrian would just push him away. 

“How are you here right now? You are supposed to be in Indonesia.” He manages to whisper, scared to do anything that might spook the other man and this moment would be gone. 

“Easy. I never went to Indonesia.” Adrian confesses, shrugging his shoulders like that sentence answered everything. 

Truth was Adrian only went along with that plan when he thought Deran was going to go with him. Once he made it clear that he wasn’t coming, Adrian had no intention of getting on that plane.

“You never went? What does that mean? Where have you been all this time then?” Deran says, irritation and panic laced in his voice. 

It has been almost 3 years since that night and finding out Adrian has been here this whole time. Too many thoughts come to his mind, thoughts that make him sick to his stomach. Like if he isn’t in prison right now, what did he do to get out of it? 

“It means when I got in the car, I told the driver to drop me off near Jess’s house. Come to find, she called my homophobic asshole of an uncle to see if he would be willing to take on my case.”

“Did he?”

“Of course not. His daughter, Willow, on the other hand. She was able to get my deal back on the table. In the end I had to do 2 years in a minimum security facility, 5 years probation, a big ass fine that I will probably spend the rest of my life paying off, and I can’t leave the state for 10 years.”

“2 years in Jail?” Deran asks, feeling like he is about to vomit. 

He has had nightmares for days, constantly seeing horrible things happening to Adrian. He felt like such a failure when realized he couldn’t keep him safe. Begging Adrian to see he will never be safe in Oceanside. Waiting for his worst fear to come true in a call saying that he is dead. That sick feeling of not knowing if it was his brothers who sent the word or someone else. 

“Yup. Got sent to a place nowhere near where Jack or his bosses, the guards didn’t give a shit about me. Saw the infirmary a few too many times. Received a good bruising every day and scars to match but for the most part, I kept my head down and stayed out of the way. Was released a few months early for good behavior and needing the space.”

Deran feels that weight that has been on his chest since Adrian confessed to getting busted become a little lighter after that. He still can’t find himself to believe Adrian is safe though, that he will be okay now. It seems too good to be true, too easy.

He crosses his arms over his chest as he scratches at his face, needing something to do with his hands. “Where have you been since you got out?”

“I have been here. Willow is letting me stay with her. I was never going to back to Oceanside. And she helped me out a lot before I went to prison, I figured it was the best place to start.”

Deran stares down at the ground, not knowing what to say. This whole time when Deran thought Adrian was long gone, it turns out he had fought the case and had been in prison the entire time. He hasn’t had the slightest clue, he couldn’t help but wonder if anyone else knew about it. 

“So I guess everything worked out for you huh?”

With that one sentence, Adrian’s body stance changes on a dime. He is so tempted to grab the nearest thing and throw it at him. He can't believe after everything he has just revealed that that is what Deran goes with. His surfing career is over, he is stuck in California, will be in debt till he dies. He has lost his boyfriend, his friends, and he can never go home. He knows things could be worse but it doesn’t change the fact that Adrian is still bitter as hell.

“Well I never became a US fugitive and I survived prison so I guess so, yeah. Gosh, you are such a fucking idiot Deran, you know that?”

“I wasn’t the one that told you to go smuggling for Jack.” Deran defends, taken aback. 

“No, you just expected me to leave the country by myself where I would be running from the law for the rest of my life. Great shining moment.”

“I am sorry for trying to save your life. You know, Adrian none of this is my fault. Don’t blame me for your screw ups.” Deran tells him, stopping himself from getting up in his face, because he didn’t want to push him too far. But it doesn’t stop the feeling of wanting to punch him in the face. 

Maybe leaving the country wasn’t the smartest move but he only did it because he felt like it was the only way for Adrian to stay alive. All Deran tried to do was help him from the very beginning, and he didn’t really appreciate being called an idiot for it.

Clearly Adrian didn’t have any problem about pushing the limits and takes a couple steps closer to Deran, stepping up to him and pointing his finger in his face.

“I have never once blamed you Deran and fuck you for saying that. I have always owned up to my mistakes. I was willing to do the time from the beginning. Even the 15 years I was getting for not ratting on you."

“You had already ratted on Jack. 15 years in prison is more than enough time to change your mind.” 

Adrian rolls his eyes and throws his head back in frustration. “Yeah, well unfortunately for Jack, he wasn’t the love of my life.” He spits out in disdain. 

“You would have talked.” Deran mumbles like he was trying to convince himself more than Adrian. 

He doesn’t expect Adrian to push him so hard he slams into the pillar behind him. He looks back at Adrian, whose eyes are glaring at him with a fierce hot anger.

“Don’t tell me what I would have done. I have had plenty of chances to rat on you. I could have thrown your ass in jail when you beat the shit out of me and left me on the bathroom floor. Or when the cops interviewed Dave after you had Pope pull that shit on him. I was the one making sure your name didn’t even come up, that Pope was just some random psycho. I have been protecting your sorry ass since I was 14 years old and was old enough to realize something wasn’t normal with your family. So don’t fucking tell me that I would have talked.”

Although rattled, Deran glares at the brunette before pushing him back. “Don’t push me.”

“Or what? You going to send Pope on me? Now that mommy dearest is gone, is that who you are afraid of now? Or are you going to do it yourself this time? Like you did with Ox?”

This time it is Deran who slams Adrian into the wall, his hands bunched up around Adrian’s collar. Adrian tries to fight him off, his fist flying to Deran’s chest, trying to push him away, but Deran is able to come right back. Adrian bucks his entire chest into Deran, using force to get Deran off of him, but he is one move ahead and is able to pin his wrists to the wall. 

“I didn’t kill Ox.” 

Adrian’s foot sneaks up behind his calf and hooks around his ankle then throws his face and upper body into Deran’s, knocking him off balance until they both hit the ground hard. Deran groans as the pain in his back starts to subside, remembering he taught that asshole that move. 

He grabs Adrian’s arms and tries to hook his legs around the other man’s, but Adrian was ready for him and drops his weight on to Deran’s stomach, knocking the breath out of him. He grabs his wrist and pins it above Deran’s head, slamming it on the ground for good measure. 

“But you have killed someone. Didn’t you?” Adrian rebuttals, not backing down from the challenge. 

Adrian is not stupid. He has known Deran long enough to know someone doesn’t grow up the way Deran has and not have the ability to do things like that. With the right motive.

The thought takes away his attention for a split second and Deran finds it, rolling Adrian to the ground and putting all his weight onto him, pinning his legs down and laying his forearm across Adrian’s neck, holding him still. 

“So what if I did?” He whispers, his face getting right into Adrian. Both able to feel the hot breath on each other’s face. 

Deran takes in Adrian and sees there is no fear present. There is anger and hurt which Deran isn’t surprised about but he also takes in the hint of pride showing in Adrian’s eyes, right next to a scar that runs down from his eyebrow to his ear. A scar that wasn’t there 3 years ago. Suddenly all those feelings he remembers comes roaring back. Deran slams his hands down on the ground by Adrian’s head, before getting off of him and sitting up against the wall they were just against. 

“Damn it, Everything I did I did for you. Yes alright! I killed Colby, he was threatening to go to Pope and I knew he was never going to go away. I almost beat the shit out of Livengood in broad daylight. I went against everything my family has ever taught me, hell I even went against my family for you. I tried everything I could to save you.” 

He never wanted to admit any of these things to anybody. He had no choice but to tell Pope about Colby but he tried to keep everything separate. Keep Adrian’s situation as far away as he could from his family and the dangers it could bring if it got brought to light... when it did get brought to light. 

He watches as Adrian lays on the ground staring up at the ceiling, his chest heaving up and down. His fist clenching open and closed before Adrian stomps his feet down and sits up. Before Deran knows it, a large heavy shoe is thrown at his face. “What the hell?”

“Damn it Deran you are never going to get it are you? I didn’t tell you about getting busted so you can come rescue me. I told you because, as your partner, it was the right thing to do and I never should have held it off as long as I did. For that I am sorry, but fuck man I never wanted you to save me, I just... I just wanted you to choose me for once.” That last part coming out as a whisper. 

Deran watches as Adrian’s body just deflates in defeat, crosses his legs together and keeps his head down, eyes away from Deran’s.

He feels the familiar burn in his face and throws his head against the wall behind him. He brings his knees up to his chest, laying his arms over them as he rubs his eyes.

“Believe me or not, but not choosing you was the hardest thing I ever did. It wasn’t because I didn’t love you.”

Adrian still doesn’t move, just continues to scratch at nothing on the floor in front of him before finally nodding his head. 

“I know. It just wasn’t enough.”

Adrian lets out a harsh breath and stands up walking over to Deran and snatches his shoe, putting it back on his foot and plopping down on a nearby chair. 

“Which is why I couldn’t get on that plane. I just lost you, if I left I would lose my family, my home, and my freedom. I would lose everything and I couldn’t let that happen. In the end, I was lucky. My family came through for me, despite what you thought yours would do.”

Deran can't help but flinch at that last line. Adrian was always good at that. Adding in one line that went in for the kill like a knife to his chest. It was actually one of the things that attracted Deran to Adrian, his cunningness to know how to use words like a weapon, until he felt the pain of it every time he did Adrian wrong. “That’s not fair.”

“Why do you care? You chose to be with your family. So be with your family.”

“It’s not like I didn’t care. I can’t just…I can’t just stop caring about you.” 

“Trust me Deran I am the last person you need to tell that too.” Adrian glares down at him. His eyes shooting ice cold daggers. It brings Deran to his feet, pacing back and forth, pulling his hair in frustration. 

“So what? This is how it’s going to be now? I am just supposed to move on, forget you ever existed? When you are actually just a few towns over.”

Adrian stands up, stepping up to Deran who stops pacing and stares at him. “Yes Deran. That is exactly what you are going to do. This isn’t something you can just fix.”

“Why not?” He pleads. 

It was one thing when believing that Adrian was far away in Indonesia, away from any harm that could come to him from here. It is a whole other thing knowing he is literally hours away. So hard to ignore that feeling that has always called out to the surfer boy. 

Adrian looks at Deran, tears brimming over his eyes as he tries to stay strong. Trying to use all the hurt he felt that night as motivation. Trying to forget all the pain he saw in Deran’s eyes as he refused to leave with Adrian. Remembering he chose the family he always said he wanted to get away from over the man he said he loved. 

“Don’t do this Deran. This is for the best.” He says, taking a step back from Deran. He scratches his throat as he tries to add “We are just toxic to each other.”

“Well I am used to toxic.” Deran says, giving off a bittersweet smile to Adrian. It only adds to the pain deep in Adrian’s chest. 

“I can’t just forget you existed. Even when I thought I was never going to see you again, I knew you were always going to be there. But fuck it, I will stay away, I did it once, I can do it again.”

He can feel that pull that he has always felt with Deran starting to tug at him, wanting him closer to the other man. He has been looking down at his feet, not feeling strong enough to fight himself if he looked at the blonde. He doesn’t know he is being cornered till he feels the wall behind him. 

“Deran” 

“I know that I have hurt you more times then what could ever be forgivable and the truth is I can’t promise I wouldn’t hurt you again. I am sorry for all the pain that I have caused you but I swear Adrian, I have never loved anyone the way that I have loved you. All I wanted was for you to be safe and, yes, a part of me believes you are better off without me. But if there is even a slight ounce of forgiveness in there. If your heart isn’t completely dead because of me, I swear to you I will fight till I am cold in the ground to prove to you how sorry I am. That I do love you and will always love you.”

Adrian tilts his head away to hide the tears falling. It hurts so much to hear him say all that, everything he has always wanted to hear from him, knowing that it was after he chose to abandon him when he could have really used him. 

Adrian knows it was his fault, he should have never let Deran take charge but at the time he was at a complete lost. With his deal being taken off the table, Pearce wasn’t going to go away, he knew it was time to tell Deran but everything just kept getting worse and worse after that. And now, after everything that has happened, he still doesn’t know what to do. He is happy that it was all taken care of but nothing will ever be the same. 

He has always believed in Deran, always chose him and supported him, but this time he couldn’t do it. He can’t blame Deran for choosing his family over him but that little hostile part of him still wants to hold it against him.

He looks over at the blonde, sees him searching for answers. Answers Adrian can't give him. 

He can feel himself losing the internal battle to remain strong. To not give in to Deran but something flashes before him. It was the hurt look Deran gave him when he came to Jess’s house. Showing the betrayal he felt when he found out Adrian was talking to the cops, when he believed Adrian was talking to the cops about him and that last ounce of fight fades away. 

Before he knows it he blurts out “That was probably the most I ever heard you say at once before.” 

Deran lets out a painful chuckle, taking a step away from him. “Come on man. I just spilled my heart out just now...”

“Yeah, after you broke mine so forgive me.” He groans, grabbing Deran and pulling him close. He grabs his cheeks and gives them a rough squeeze.

“Look Deran you gutted me alright. Shit like that takes time to heal.”

He pushes Deran to a chair and makes him sit before grabbing another and sitting across from him. “But the truth is, you weren’t the only one to screw up this relationship. I should have gone to you a lot sooner. I broke that trust and I have heard that regaining someone’s trust can take just as long as a broken heart takes to heal.”

“What does that mean?” Deran asks, looking like a little child getting in trouble and Adrian can't help but chuckle with how adorable he looks. 

Although it is no excuse, Adrian has always known that feelings, relationships, and trust are things that don’t come easy for Deran. In the end, Adrian did ruin that because communicating, emotions, and asking for help weren't exactly strong points for him either. 

They are so fucked up at this point, Deran was addicting and he knows Deran feels the same way about him, but they aren’t kids anymore. 

“It means go back to Oceanside, stop beating yourself up over us, and just give it time. You were my best friend long before you became more. With time and space maybe we can get back to that.”

Adrian watches as Deran looks away from him. The blonde nodded his head but Adrian can tell Deran doesn't want to agree.

“Besides, everything that we went through, all the shit we have done to each other, we would be lucky to at least come out as that.” 

Deran still stays silent, still not able to bring his eyes to Adrian. He sighs out as he leans back in his chair. 

“I don’t know about you but these past few years have made me realize that I still have a lot of growing up to do. No more chasing pipe dreams, no more depending on people. I need to learn to take care of myself, be on my own.That is what I am trying to do here, to start over and do things differently.”

Adrian knows he should have never tried to get back on the circuit. He should have just told Deran no and moved on but there was just the little boy in him who didn’t want to let that dream go. And now that dream cost him so much more than just money. 

“So you are never going to come back?” 

“Probably not.. You said it yourself, I will never be safe in Oceanside again"

“I don’t know Adrian, maybe I was wrong.” Deran admits leaning on the table next to him. 

He runs his hands through his hair before saying “I was just so scared that night. You shouldn’t have to give up your home because of all this.” 

“I’ll be fine. What is that saying? Home is where you make it or some shit like that.” 

Deran nods as a stray tear catches him off guard. Something about this feels too much like closure and that scares the shit out of him. He thought he was doing the right thing when he let Adrian go that night. All he wanted was Adrian to be safe but he knew he couldn’t leave his brothers and that little monster in his head telling him that Adrian wasn’t safe with him or them around. There was just something so unsettling about this conversation. It feels like Adrian is finally closing the chapter of him in his life. 

He brings his hands up to his face to cover up the sob that is threatening to claw its way out. 

He jumps when he feels a hand on his shoulder and turns to see Adrian kneeling next to him. 

“Deran, go home. Your brothers will probably wonder where you are. Just do me a favor and take care of yourself, alright?”

Deran barely manages to lift himself up, feeling numb and exhausted now, but he gets to his feet and looks at the other man. Adrian looks dead on his feet, just giving him the barest of a smile, his eyes puffy and red. 

He moves slowly, not wanting to overstep his boundaries but he just needs to touch him, especially if it is the last time. He grabs the back of Adrian’s neck, feeling him tense up at the contact but doesn’t move away, and slowly brings his forehead to Adrian’s. He thinks back to the last time he did this, remembering seeing the uncertainty and fear in Adrian’s eyes. Now he just sees resignment, tiredness, and a little bit of peace. Even though he feels like they just went through ten rounds of a boxing match, maybe it gave Adrian the closure he needed. 

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too.” 

Adrian close his eyes and sighs as his body leans forward into Deran’s. Deran wants to cry. He wants to grab Adrian and lock him up where no one can ever touch him. He wants to hold this man and never let him go but he knows that is a decision he is not allowed to make. So for now, he closes his eyes and lays a kiss on Adrian’s forehead. Hoping and praying this is not the end. 

As painful as it is, he pulls away and gives Adrian a tight smile before making his way outside. He can hear Adrian following him but he doesn’t dare look back, not believing in himself to leave if he does.

“Hey Deran.” Adrian calls out and Deran has to take a breath before turning around to face him. 

“This doesn’t have to be goodbye, alright. I am not leaving Cali anytime soon. I just think you should know, once you figure out how to balance your family and a boyfriend, you’d make a really good one. Anyone would be lucky to have you.”

“I don’t want anyone.” He admits. Adrian gives him a stiff smile, and nods his head. 

Deran gives him one last look before turning back and walking away. 

He wasn’t lying when he said he would fight to prove how sorry he was even if it was for the rest of his life. Since they were kids, it has always been Adrian. It will always be Adrian as long as the other man gave him that option. It was just trying to figure out how to have both Adrian and his family that has always been the problem. Now he guesses he has nothing but time to figure it out. 

_______________________________________

Deran doesn’t tell his brothers about Adrian when he gets back to Oceanside. Figuring it was better left unsaid. Adrian said he needed time and space. It wasn’t the first time he asked for it and it wouldn’t be the first time Deran gave it to him. 

Those 3 years before seeing Adrian again, Deran had the darkest cloud over his head. Craig was constantly hovering over him, J kept looking at him weird. Even Pope was worried about him. Like he was a ticking time bomb of the family. They were right to think it. He would snap at everybody and everything. Threw himself into the bar so much, his bartenders were on edge until one of them finally put their foot down and told him to go home. 

When he found out why they chose Angela’s brother to beat up as a statement to Oceanside, how she ratted on him to get out of prison and now he was after her, Deran couldn’t look at Pope for days after that. She ratted on her own blood and she gets a pass but when Adrian stayed nothing but loyal to them, he was the one that needed to leave. 

That night he almost drank his bar clean and threw everything up the next day. He remembered Pope found him that morning and cleaned him up. After his head was a little clearer he remembered looking at Pope, feeling cold and dead and telling him “My loyalty is to you, not her. So keep her away from me Pope, or else.”

Time went on and things got a little better. Although he was still an asshole to everyone, the cloud didn’t remain as dark. He started talking to his brothers a little bit more. He hung out with Craig, even when Nick was around but he vowed that he would never hold babies, even if they are his nephews.

He did the jobs and ran the bar. He kept the house because as much pain as it caused him, it was the last thing he had of Adrian and he couldn’t let that go. He tried to smile a little more, but the cloud never fully left him. He thought it never would.

Until he left San Diego a few months ago. After seeing that Adrian was alive and safe and that he didn’t complete hate him anymore,that last bit of cloud finally disappeared. He still missed Adrian with every second that passed by. He always would. He knows now though that after that night, they both closed that toxic chapter of their lives.

He hopes Adrian will let him see him again. Even if it will never be in Oceanside, he could do San Diego maybe. 

“Hey boss. This chick is asking for you.” He hears one of his bartenders call out and he looks up to see them point to a small petite women with the sharpest eyes he has ever seen, and that was knowing Smurf and Jess Dolan all his life. He is immediately on guard but makes his way to the lady. 

“Can I help you?”

She looks like she wants to say something, and if her body language gave any indication, it wouldn’t have been pleasant, but in the end she sighs out and hands him an envelope.

“If you hurt him in any way, Mr. Cody, I will slap you with a lifetime sentence that will never be met because I will kill you and throw you in the ocean.” She says, her face showing every sign that she is serious. She even has an evil smile to match it. 

“Let me guess, Willow?”

“You bet your ass I am.” She smirks. 

It all makes sense after that. He can see why Adrian likes her so much. With the few seconds he has interacted with her, he doesn’t want to get on her bad side anymore than he already is. He likes her though, she seems to be fiercely loyal to the people she cares about, and she saved Adrian. He will always be in debt to her. 

“I am serious. You hurt him, I hurt you.” She throws as a parting gift and with one last glare she walks out. 

Completely taken aback by what just happened, he stands there for a minute until Roxy bumps his hip as she walks past. He looks back down at the envelope and makes his way into the office. 

He stayed there for a while right after Adrian left, before realizing there were just as many memories of Adrian in there as well. That is when he finally went back to the wooden house on the beach. Sitting there now though, he flips the envelope back and forth, scared to see what is inside. 

What would Adrian have to say that was so important he sent his cousin to give it to him? When a paper falls out he opens it up with shaking hands. 

_‘Deran,_

_Sorry in advance about Willow. _

_You said you were willing to fight. I hope that is still true._

_I just really want my friend back, so when you have a chance, give me a call. _

_Adrian_

_Oh, I am sorry I threw my shoe at you.’_

Deran reads it, 3 or 4 more times. The smile on his face getting bigger and bigger with each pass. He puts the number, on the bottom of the note, in his phone and sends a text before making his way back to the bar. The smile never leaving his face. 

__________________________________

Somewhere in San Diego, Adrian is well into his shift, going over inventory at the cafe, when he felt the familiar buzz of his phone. He takes a gasp when he sees the number he knows by heart but was not expecting to see any time soon. Adrian can’t help but think maybe he was telling the truth. 

**D: I am lucky it was only a shoe.**

He knew Willow was planning on dropping off the note but he didn’t expect Deran to get back to him on the same day. 

He was hesitant when he wrote it.. He tried to move on after Deran left, but no matter how hard he tries the blonde boy always comes back to his thoughts and it just makes him realize he really does miss his friend. He will always love Deran, he knows that. A lifetime of friendship and love isn’t something that just goes away, no matter how much hurt and damage there is. 

He looks back down at his phone and finds himself chuckling as he looks over the small sentence. Fucking Cody. 

“What has got you all giddy?”

He looks up at Mat and shakes his head, putting his phone back in his pocket and standing up. 

“Just a friend.” He smiles at his boss with a casual smile, walking away. 

He laughs when he hears Mat sarcastically mumble “Sure it is.”

They have to repair their friendship first, learn how to trust and communicate again, and then they can see where life will take them.

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to have a story where Adrian was a lot stronger and not so depending on Deran. He deserved to have some justice after Season 4 and I really wanted to get that down. I also didn't want to have him forgive Deran so easily and just get right back to Deran. He needs to make Deran work for it this time. 
> 
> This was a story that had me unsettled until I had these conversation written down and then this story bloomed. I hope everyone liked it.


End file.
